


My Comm Unit Is Spying On Me:  How Odo Regrets, And Then Doesn't Regret, The Tap He Put On Quark's Communications

by phinnia



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:58:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16339388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phinnia/pseuds/phinnia
Summary: We know from 'The Wire' that Odo has a tap on Quark's communications.I bet Quark makes some pretty good calls after the bar closes.





	My Comm Unit Is Spying On Me:  How Odo Regrets, And Then Doesn't Regret, The Tap He Put On Quark's Communications

  
Quark always made his more important calls after the bar closed, and Odo had a listening device in the bar, so he routinely checked in to see what sort of cons the station’s bartender was getting involved these days.    
  
The first one was with Vash, that archaeologist.  
  
Vash called him from Esholia Prime, a couple star systems over from where she last hailed him.     
  
“You got anything for me?”   Quark says, in something not unlike a purr.  
  
“Always.”  Vash says.   “Some utterly _glorious_ gemstones.   Take a look.”   She scoops up a handful of milky-white gems that glitter in the dim light.     
  
“Oooh.   How much would you figure them for?   I’d say a strip each at least, maybe two.”  
  
“Three if we can change for the mystery of the Gamma Quadrant.”    
  
“I miss your lively fingers, Vash.”  Quark flirts.  
  
“I know you do.”   Vash flirts back.   “But sadly I won’t be back for another six months.”  
  
“My ears are already tingling for you.”     
  
They go on talking, but Odo stops listening.    
  
Quark flirted with everybody.  It was just basic customer service, he said.  
  
He couldn’t possibly have a relationship with this woman?  
  
No.  
  
Impossible.     
  
Utterly impossible.     
  
Odo harumphed to himself and started paying attention again.  
  
  
The second time was with Morn.  _Morn_ , of all people.  
  
Morn was on a trip to Orion running dilithium and javonite crystals and he called Quark to get an update on the gossip and that call took forever.   And then they started _reminiscing._  
  
“Oh, remember that night we had the threesome with that gorgeous fire-lizard-woman from … where the hell was she from, anyway?   I forget.”   Quark takes another drink of his black hole.   “But the things she could do with her tail.   I’ve never, before or since, been oo-moxed by a tail before.”  
  
Odo goes back into Curzon’s memories and figures out what a ‘threesome’ is.   Then he wishes he hadn’t.  
  
  
The third time was a conversation with Grilka.  
  
“When were married, I wish I’d gone down on you.”     Quark is saying.  
  
“With those teeth?”   Grilka laughs.    
  
“Ferengi have very long and prehensile tongues.”   Quark showed his off, and yes, it was indeed long and impressively prehensile.   “It helps us get the best slugs, get the snails out of their shells.”     
  
“You don’t just crunch the snail shells?”  
  
“We do, sometimes.   But sometimes we just … slurp them up.”   He sticks out his tongue again, lolling it around.   “Sweet, juicy, delectable snails.   Just like women.”     
  
Grilka laughs heartily, and the subject is changed, and Odo tries not to think about Quark’s tongue.  
  
  
The fourth time was with Boheeka, that Cardassian friend of his.  
  
“So you managed to get away from those friends of yours.”   Quark says. Tonight he’s drinking a Samarian Sunset and leaning back in his chair.  
  
“I did.   I’m not going to say how, of course, but yes.”     Boheeka grins at Quark.   “You know I have … special talents.”  
  
“Oh, do I ever.   I remember you using some of them on me.   The rumors that went around my bar about you.”     
  
“And how many of those did you start?”  
  
“A few.”    Quark sips his Samarian Sunset again.   “But I did _not_ start that one about you and Gul Dukat.”  
  
“That one wasn’t a rumor.”   Boheeka laughs.  
  
“ _No_.”  Quark almost drops his glass.  “You and the _Gul_?”  
  
“Every time he was too drunk to see straight, he didn’t, if you know what I mean.”     
  
There is raucous laughter from both the terminal and Quark.     
  
Odo figures out what the joke is about and enters this new information in his mental file on Gul Dukat.   He tries not to think about Quark and Boheeka … coupling.    He tries not to think about those special talents, whatever they were, being used on Quark.  
  
He is not jealous.  
  
He is _not jealous_.  
  
Quark is a disgusting little miscreant that gets up to things at any and all times and Odo is keeping a watch on his calls for security reasons.  
  
And he is _absolutely not jealous_.  
  
The fifth time he’s talking to that Karemman trade minister.  
  
“Oh, I miss you.”   Quark says.    Tonight, he’s drinking a new flavor of Slug-O-Cola.   “Why are you on the other side of the wormhole?”  
  
“Interstellar travel is so inconvenient, isn’t it?”  Hanok murmurs.   “I miss your tight little wormhole.”  
  
“I miss the way your ship fits into my wormhole.”     
  
Odo actually stops listening to the transmission and starts pacing around the office.  
  
He is not jealous.  
  
He is unquestionably not jealous.  
  
 _He isn’t jealous._  
  
He doesn’t even have the capability to _be jealous._  
  
Does he?  
  
  
He stomps down to Quark’s quarters at eight-hundred hours the next morning and thumbs the door-chime.  
  
Silence.  
  
He thumbs the door chime again.  
  
More silence.  
  
He paces around the hall and thumbs the door chime again.  
  
“All right, all right.”   Quark says from inside.  “Keep your pants on.”  
  
The door opens.   Quark is still in his footie pyjamas, bleary-eyed.     
  
“What do you want?   I haven’t even done anything but sleep for the past five and a half hours.”  
  
“Look.   I have no idea what you’re doing, making all of those _filthy_ calls after the bar’s closed -“  
  
“You’ve been spying on my comm line.”   Far from angering Quark, this makes him grin - all of his pointed teeth are showing.    “How much did you hear?”  
  
“Everything.”    Odo snarls.   “Everything.   “How you miss Vash’s fingers, how you had that threesome with Morn and the fire-lizard-lady, your comparison of women to snails, Boheeka’s … special talents, whatever those are, Hanok and his … gah!”    Odo paces around Quark’s rooms.     
  
“Well, a lonely man has to entertain himself somehow.”  Quark laughs.   “Are your eyes turning _green_?”  
  
“I don’t understand the question.”  
  
“You’re _jealous_!”  Quark crowed.    “I didn’t think you could even _be_ jealous!”  
  
“You’re not the only one.”   Odo muttered.  
  
Unfortunately, he’d briefly forgotten how excellent Quark’s hearing was.  
  
“Oooh.”   The little Ferengi’s grin gets even wider.   “You are _really_ jealous.   But which one are you jealous of?   Vash?  Bareeka? Hanok?”  
  
“All of them.”   Odo grabs Quark by the shoulders and slams him against the wall, pressing his lips against the Ferengi’s.  
  
Quark’s lips part and Odo feels that long tongue in his mouth, flicking against his own tongue.  Quark’s tongue was really long.   And he was quite good with it.  He was licking the inside of Odo’s mouth.  
  
“You don’t taste like a jealous person.”  Quark murmurs breathily.  
  
“How does a jealous person taste?”  
  
“You know, like … usually like drinks and regret, actually.”   Now Quark is licking the side of his neck, and Odo was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate.   “You don’t really taste like much of anything.”     He smiles up at Odo.   “What do I taste like?”  
  
Odo kisses him again, to check.  And a second time.   “I’m not really sure.  Sleep, I think.”  
  
“My bed’s still messy.”   Quark tugged Odo by the hand.     
  
“Yes.  It is.”   Odo noted.  
  
“Odo.”   Quark gave him a look with one raised brow ridge.   “My _bed_ is still _messy_.”  
  
“Oh.   _Oh_.”   Finally, he realized what Quark was getting at.     
  
“Boheeka taught me a few of those … special talents he has.”   Quark says, tugging Odo towards the bed.   “I can show you, if you want.   I can personally vouch for how good they are.”  
  
“Can you, now?”   A tiny smile tugs at the corner of Odo’s mouth.     
  
“I can probably show you the one he used on Gul Dukat.”   Quark grinned broadly.   “It’s a personal favorite.   No guarantees, of course, although if you ever ask him about it I’d love to be there to see it.”  
  
“Might be able to find the security footage.”   Odo murmurs as he’s tugged into Quark’s bedroom and efficiently relieved of his uniform.   “Later, obviously.”  
  
“I’ll help you look.”   Quark smiles, and then nothing further is said for a long while.  
  
  
Sisko was searching for Odo, and he was not surprised to find him in Quark’s.  
  
He was surprised to find him behind the bar.  
  
Quark was drinking a warp core breach.  Odo was leaning with his head on one hand, his elbow casually resting on Quark’s shoulder.    They were both intently looking at a com screen, which seemed to contain two Cardassians doing … actually, Sisko wasn’t sure.  
  
“ _That’s_ how he does that.”   Odo murmurs.  
  
“I know!”  Quark says.   “It makes me wish I was that flexible.”  
  
Then Quark turned as Sisko stepped over the threshold of the bar, and Odo flicked the com screen off.   “Commander.”  
  
“What were you two gentlemen watching?”   Sisko asked.  
  
“Nothing.”  They said in unison.  
  
Sisko gave them both a very severe look, only to get matching blue-eyed looks of innocence in return.  
  
Oh no.     
  
Whatever Quark was up to now, Odo was in on it this time.  This was definitely not good for any of them.    
  
  



End file.
